- El rincón de las musarañas -
Rap News is back this week on
the back of yet another massive leaking
which lays bare and paints a clear picture of the actual dealings
and reality of “Operation Iraqi Freedom.”
It’s been 7 years of that illegal
invasion, which has claimed a million Iraqi people.
the leaking told of casualties and images
from Abu Ghraib of rape, kidnappings, beatings.
As hawks now have their eyes
fixed on Iran
we analyse the man
behind that original plan
and these very events.
Presenting our first guest,
Scretary of Offense.
Welcome down to the station.
In light of this revelation how do you feel now about the invasion?
This isn’t new information.
And it was liberation.
Iraqis are now free to play soccer and Playstation.
How about Abu Ghraib, and the allegations?
Not just of humiliation but of savage raping?
My actual statement is
in the killing scene
is at liberty to blow off a little steam.
If you remember, the Iraqis had WMD.
Doesn’t it trouble you that you failed to find any?
Well, steady, I never said Iraq had weapons, you know.
Yes, you did! You said that exact fact a second ago.
You know, there’s things we know, and things we don’t know.
And the knowns we know we know are known as “known knowns.”
Things we know we don’t know which are known as “known knowns” among the
knowns and the known knowns we know go with the don’t knows.
I don’t know.
Intelligence was distorted and cynical,
scorned and ridiculed.
Support for your war was minimal.
Won’t history judge you as a war criminal?
We’ll write the books.
They won’t be at all critical.
This interview is over.
GET HIM, BOYS.
Take him away, he’s pitiful.
WITH PLEASURE. NOW TO SHUT RAP NEWS DOWN FOR FOREVER.
Alright, kill the live feed.
Bring the lite feed.
This is News World Order.
I’m Bill O’Reilly.
regular broadcasts of news
for unbiased, fair, broad and balanced views.
Now. My first guest is a true american hero.
Bill, good to finally get on a real show!
So how’s the United States of Iraq in the last quarter?
Well, our crack forces hand in hand with Blackwater
have forged ahead, creating an idyllic state
that will hand over to… whoever’s left at the end!
The number of people in the middle east opposed to democracy
has swiftly decreased.
Yeah! By like a million at least
That’s a million more people who are now blissfully at peace.
Bill, please! Don’t get me started on those frick’n’ cybergeeks.
What gets me is these hippies keep criticizing the military
when the military keeps them living free from tyranny, terrorists and
nuclear bomb threats.
They seem to have a military-industrial complex.
As this Julian Assange makes his foolish demands
the blood of Afghanis pools in his hands.
A lot of people are saying he’s ruled by his glands.
That he kidnapped school girls and abused them in Iceland.
Now a word from our sponsor.
We’ll be back pretty fast
with the former Secretary of Kicking Ass.
Why see shades of grey?
Why be alona?
Try another Soma!
Life’s Good! Shut up!
We’re back in the no-spying zone!
News World Order, live in your mobile home.
So Rum. Bradley Manning?
Man, I’m glad we grabbed him.
We’re gonna black bag him,
tag him, pack that homo away.
Let’s see him hack his way out of Guantanamo Bay!
Hehe, you know what you oughta do?
Enhanced Interrogation…. wait!
There’s a problem with my autocue!
Is that… “sorry, Bill, we have to interrupt?”
It says, “you’ve been WANKed.”
The system is stuck!
WANK, you say?
I remember that from the NASA days.
Bill, we’ve been hacked, I’m afraid.
Hacked? FUCK IT.
WE’LL DO IT LIVE.
THIS FUCKING THING SUCKS.
Only one man would use slang this way.
It has to be Julian Assange.
I couldn’t help noticing you mention my name.
Assange? How the hell’d you get in the frame?
A simple hack. You left the backdoor open again.
We’ll hack off your hands.
Leave you rolling in pain.
I thought we controlled this whole station.
Our signal’s being jammed from an undisclosed location.
You telling me we can’t even get that fag?
Well, he’s somewhere North South East or West of Baghdad.
For dangerous defiance of reason,
and for the betrayal of journalism
I now try you for treason.
Shut up! You just leak crap. You’re dead.
I think you’ll find it’s you that leaks crap, and is dead.
What’s happening to his head?
It’s leaking every single bit of crap he’s ever said.
We’ll get you Assange!
And your little site too.
But a thousand other sites will creep up behind you.
I’m an avalanche!
They didn’t stand a chance against my battle plans.
Robert, here, have your channel back.
Apologies for the appalling violence.
Julian, you look different.
These days I can afford I can afford a stylist.
Now the enemies of truth will cower
before the avenging ??? angel and my brutal power.
With the hammer of Tor, I will leap forth
Crush the impostors!
I couldn’t agree more!
Ah, what’s going on here?
I think you know.
Is that Julian Assange?
Yes it is. Hello.
Look at his hair.
Everyone knows it’s white.
This isn’t Assange.
It’s some loser with low lights.
Now get out of here, you fake Assange
It’s time for me to leak the true fate of Atlantis.
No. It’s time to see who the heck this is!
Gah! You pesky kids!
Well, I think it’s time to end this session.
It seems journalism’s become a dangerous profession.
Risking ostracism, extradition,
to provide a clear picture of the world we live in.
But without truth history will certainly repeat
the same wars. In this time of universal deceit.
Telling the truth has become a revolutionary act.
So let us salute those
the necessary facts.